


Temptations

by itswarmer



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: First Time, Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Religious Guilt, i guess??, i just wanted to write abt jj being a soft christian boy, jj is 16 otabek is 15, sorry if this offends christians shkfzj
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-09-07 06:22:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20304883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itswarmer/pseuds/itswarmer
Summary: JJ is a good Christian boy who's worrying about his impure thoughts. Otabek helps.





	1. Desires of the Flesh

**Author's Note:**

> Background info: JJ is 16, Otabek is 15

JJ’s cocky. He’s arrogant and he’s confident and he’s a bit of a pain in the ass. JJ’s cocky, but he shouldn’t be. JJ doesn’t know how to get on his knees, probably couldn’t suck a dick without choking. He doesn’t think he’s supposed to like boys, doesn’t think he’s allowed, so he watches straight porn at 3 AM so his parents don’t hear and tries to get off to the high-pitched squeals of the women in the videos. No matter how hard he tries, he always gets distracted by the low, rumbling groans of the men whose faces he can’t even see. 

He’s pretty sure he isn’t supposed to watch porn. He’s pretty sure he isn’t supposed to jack off to it, pretty sure that makes him a sinner. JJ’s pretty sure he’s going down a bad road, one his preacher calls “temptation” which leads him to commit crimes of “lust,” but he can’t help it. He’s just curious. His preacher must know what it’s like to be a teenage boy, right? JJ can’t be the only person who’s gone through this. Not the only person who’s guiltily rubbed against his pillow at 3 am, thinking about a cute guy he saw at the beach, trying to pretend he was a girl. His preacher warned him about the dangers of homosexuality, but JJ can’t be a homosexual if he’s trying to fight off the thoughts, right? JJ can stay pure in God’s eyes as long as he ignores his temptations.

JJ texts Otabek to ask if he, too, has dealt with thoughts like these. 

** _You, 3:14 AM:_ ** _ Hey_

** _Otabek <3, 3:31 AM:_ ** _ hi_

** _Otabek <3, 3:31 AM:_ ** _ isnt it like 3 am for u?_

** _You, 3:32 AM:_ ** _ Yeah_

** _Otabek <3, 3:33 AM:_ ** _ why r u awake?_ ** **

** _You, 3:34 AM: _ ** _Anxiety. _ _I wanted _

_to ask you a question_

** _Otabek <3, 3:36 AM: _ ** _shoot_

_**You, 3:36 AM: **Your family is  
_

_muslim right?_

** _Otabek <3, 3:38 AM:_ ** _ yeah_

** _You, 3:38 AM:_ ** _ Have you ever had_

_like... homosexual urges?_

_Sorry if that's weird to ask_

** _Otabek <3, 3:45 AM:_ ** _ oh, jean. ur too cute._

JJ doesn't know what this means. 

-

The next morning, JJ is hungover from his lack of sleep and deeply guilty over his internet history. His parents are knocking on his door, telling him to get ready for church. JJ is tired and doesn't quite feel worthy of walking into the church, but he's glad he has a chance to repent. 

Once he's got on his too-short khakis and stiff dress shirt and shiny black shoes, he tugs on a puffy coat and walks out into the crisp autumnal Canadian air. His dad stops him and adjusts his tie. JJ still hasn't quite figured it out.

JJ hops into his parents' car, claiming the front seat before his siblings can. He stares at the rosary beads hanging from the mirror and immediately feels worse. He looks up, silently, seeking God and trying to apologize to him. He scrubbed his hands raw the night before, but he still feels dirty. Like a sinner. 

He can't focus during the sermon. All he can think of is what he wants to say during confession in the evening, how to phrase it, or even if he's willing to admit it. Even worse, when he starts to think about it again, his pants start to feel tighter than they already are. He tells himself it's random, his dad spoke to him about these moments when he first started puberty. He's not naive, though. JJ knows in his wretched soul that it isn't random that as soon as he thinks of the videos he's seen of heathen men being bent over couches by other men, he gets hard in his pants. 

After church, JJ's dad has him practice driving. He's going through his fifth round of parallel parking when he decides to speak to his dad about his worries. His pa is a strict man, but he's never been unwilling to speak to JJ about his feelings. JJ trusts him, and he's glad that he can.

"Pa?" JJ asks as he puts the car into reverse, keeping his eyes on the mirror just as his father had told him.

"Yes?" Alain says, knuckles white as they clutch onto his knees in anxiety. He's been giving his son driving lessons for long enough now, but he's still horrified of him crashing, even in the empty church parking lot. 

"Can we, like..." JJ starts, keeping his eyes keenly trained on anything but his father. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course. You can come to me with anything, you know this."

JJ nods. "Well, I've been dealing with some... temptations lately. You know, like... I've been having lustful thoughts."

Alain nods silently. "I figured we'd have this talk sometime soon."

JJ swallows.

"Having those thoughts is completely natural, Jean-Jacques," his father continues. "I had them when I was a boy your age. I even remember a time I snuck into my parents' room and found one of my papa's dirty magazines." Alain chuckles dryly. JJ doesn't look him in the eye.

"I don't want you to think I will punish you for thinking those thoughts. Making love is a beautiful thing, son," he says, and this time JJ can't help but cringe.

"Gosh, papa. Don't be gross." 

"I don't want you to be ashamed of your feelings. Desire is natural. But do not let that get in the way of your relationship with God. He will always love you, Jean, but He expects you to live in His image. We are human and we are made sinners. We will never be perfect. But that does not mean you can stray from God's light and give in to temptation.

"You can do nothing to control your immoral thoughts, but you and only you can resist the urge to act upon them. Passions of the flesh are something every one of God's children deals with, but we chose to handle them in different ways. Do you remember what Matthew 5:28 says about lust?"

JJ nods. "_W__alk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."_

Alain nods in pride. "Good. Do not forget that. And remember, son, that your mother and I and even God will still love you no matter what becomes of you." 

JJ nods.


	2. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was lazy with this one. Hopefully quality will improve, lol.

JJ, again, finds himself at 3 AM struggling to sleep. It's been 5 hours since he first attempted to keep his eyes shut, but it just won't work. He's awake and he's thinking everything he doesn't want to. About God, about Hell, about confession, about his papa, about how he'll ever be able to repent or recover from his own sinful mind, about Otabek, and, mostly, about Otabek. He still doesn't know what Otabek had meant when he'd texted him "_ur too cute_," and he isn't sure if he wants to. He'll be seeing him in a month's time when he comes to Canada for training and comes to stay in JJ's bedroom, and JJ doesn't know if he likes that. The last time they roomed together, they were just kids. Now they're, well, they're still kids, but they're kids with hormones and sinful thoughts. Last time JJ slept in the same room as Otabek, the other had been just a quiet kid who was nice to his parents and made it look like it pained him to speak. As much as JJ might hope, Otabek isn't the same small child he once was. He's the same height he was in middle school, but he's not the same. Otabek, the Otabek JJ has seen in locker rooms and who makes him consequently blush, he's bigger and stronger and he smells _so good. _JJ can keep his hormones at bay while in the locker room, but he isn't sure he has the self-control to handle himself with that man sleeping next to _him_, showering in _his _shower, looking at _him _with a bedhead and sleep-filled eyes and talking to _him _in the morning with a voice he still hasn't gotten used to since his balls dropped the year prior. JJ doesn't know how many times he can use the random-boner excuse before Otabek gets suspicious.

JJ's still sleeping when his papa bangs on his door for the second time. 

"Jean-Jacques. If I have to knock on this door one more time, I will tear you out of bed myself."

JJ gets up.

He trudges his way into the kitchen, sitting down next to his brother and clasping his hands together, head bowed. His father says grace, a tinge of annoyance on his voice as he goes through it. JJ's already got his mouth stuffed with blueberry pancakes when his father clears his throat.

"Sorry!" JJ squeaks, turning to his mother. "Thanks for breakfast, mama. I didn't get a ton of sleep last night, I didn't mean to be rude." Nathalie raises her eyebrows silently.

JJ finishes his breakfast in a sleepy silence, trying not to fall asleep and drop his face directly into his blueberry pancakes. His head's filled with thoughts of Otabek. Will he like his mother's cooking? Will he be his quiet, shy self and offend his mother? Or, worse, will he be even more polite than JJ and make his mother nag her son? JJ can't stop his worrying, but at least it takes his mind off his past sins. It's better to spend hours worrying over how your family will react to your friend than to spend hours agonizing over your own lust, that's what JJ thinks. And, besides, if he decides to instead worry about his troubling thoughts, he's sure he'll be once again having to worry about his boner. 

-

_And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell._

JJ isn't sure how he can explain to his father that he needs an amputation. His right hand's causing him a lot of grief, night after night, wrapped around his dick hard enough that he can justify it as a punishment. It's a Friday night, he can sleep in on Saturday morning, so he's up, still, at 1 AM. When he was a kid, he'd be asleep by 8 or else his papa would take his skates away. Now, his parents trust him enough to let him put himself to sleep, but maybe they shouldn't. If JJ still had to worry about getting his skates taken away, or his allowance withheld, or occasionally being put over his father's lap, maybe he'd be asleep by now. 

Now, though, he's awake and he's restless and it's one in the morning and JJ's biting his hand to keep it away from his own crotch. JJ keeps a pillow between his legs, lets his tighty-whitied dick grind into the snowflake-patterned pillowcase so he can pretend he isn't _actually _masturbating. It's like how oral isn't real sex, humping your pillow isn't real masturbation. His brain races, thoughts of Otabek and Otabek's arms and Otabek's ass and Otabek's hair filling every nook and cranny of it. JJ bucks harder thinking of the strong muscles in Otabek's thighs and the way his back muscles flex when he stretches. If JJ were to put his hand down Otabek's pants, would his thighs clench the same way they do when he's doing wall sits during practice? JJ wonders if Otabek does this, late at night, too. Lies in his own bed, legs around a pillow, humping like a dog in heat to try and satisfy himself. Dark black hair making a home to a puddle of sweat that collects in his midsection, the lines of his stomach pointing down and leading to his cock. Running a hand through his hair as he gets closer, pulling to the point of pain. A small groan escaping his lips, just like the ones he makes when he lands a jump. When JJ imagines it, he comes in his underwear. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek arrives in Québec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this shortish chapter.

JJ awakes, at 3 AM, in a cold sweat. Again. In his head, he’s replaying dreams to which he’s afraid of admitting. His mind’s filled with images of Otabek, Otabek in his boxers, Otabek in JJ’s bed, Otabek’s hair, soft between JJ’s fingers. It’s not okay, not natural.

It’s 3 AM, this is witching hour. That’s what’s filling JJ with evil. That’s what’s got him up with anxiety. When he checks his phone, he’s got a text from Otabek. He says he can’t wait to see him again, when he comes over on the next Tuesday. Little does Otabek know, JJ’s been seeing him every night for the past week, all in his own little head.

JJ texts him back, tells him that he’s excited too, that he can’t believe it’s been so long since they spoke in person. He says his maman misses Otabek and always speaks so highly of him, of how polite he is. He doesn’t mention all the times he’s thought about his abs.

JJ isn’t sure what time it is in Kazakhstan, but he wouldn’t be surprised if it’s just as impractical a time to be texting as 3 AM. Otabek doesn’t sleep, like, ever, so JJ’s never concerned when he gets midnight texts from him. JJ used to be in bed by 9, without fail, but along with so much else, that has changed. He wishes he could go back to being 12, going to sleep at 9 and thinking pure thoughts about his best friend. He wishes they could play-fight like they used to, wrestling on the carpet floor of the living room until papa told them they were being too rowdy. God forbid they did that at this age, JJ would end up with a boner and Otabek would probably never speak to him again. His father would talk to him about God and he’d want to fall into a hole and die. A five-foot radius is what he needs from Otabek, now.

Why can’t things stay as they’d been? Why, JJ wonders, does he have to grow up into a complicated teenager with problems past his homework and whether he has enough money to go on the grade 8 field trip? When he was smaller, he used to feel self-conscious that all his friends were going on dates and how he’d never been attracted to anybody. He’d thought he would never find somebody and that he’d never feel love in the way his parents did. When his friends asked him who he “liked,” he’d make something up. Charlotte, from biology. Alice, from French class. When his friends would call his bluff, they’d call him gay and laugh, and JJ remembers how he never understood why it was so funny.

JJ wishes he could be 12 again, still not understanding what “queer” meant, still naïve enough to think he really had a crush on Alice from French. His biggest fear was to never find love. Now that he’s found it, he’s terrified all over again.

When Otabek arrives in Québec, JJ’s little brother runs to him first. Otabek’s always been so good with kids, it’s no surprise that the little 10-year-old boy missed him. When Otabek had visited them last, the then 6-year-old had tried to teach him how to play American football. JJ taught him a quad Salchow.

After shaking the kid off his leg, Otabek approaches JJ with a small smile, opening his arms for a hug. JJ’s grown quite a bit and he’s taller than the other boy, but Otabek still seems bigger than him with the way his arms extend from his broad chest and wrap around JJ. With Otabek’s head under his chin, JJ can smell his shampoo. Thank God his hands are occupied, because otherwise, he’d be having a hard time keeping himself from touching his hair. That would not really be an appropriate greeting, JJ thinks.

“Hey, man,” Otabek says, smile widening. “How’ve you been? Are you, y’know, doing alright?”

JJ knows what he’s talking about, with the way his voice changes at the last question. He nods, quick, avoiding the topic. No way he’s having that conversation in public. Or at all.

“I’m good,” JJ says, smiling. He almost forgot Otabek’s strong accent and deep voice after having only spoken to him through text for so long. “How are you?”

Otabek says, “Doing good,” and turns to the rest of JJ’s family. On the way out of the airport and to the car, he makes small talk with the rest of the Leroys. JJ stays quiet, walking behind, trying to keep the scent of Otabek’s shampoo and deodorant out of his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry in advance if any of the religious stuff is inaccurate! I was raised protestant so idk how confession works other than what I've read online lol. Please tell me if you have any corrections I can make.


End file.
